Father Cuts Off Young Daughter's Hair Because She Doesn't 'Maintain It' Properly

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satirequeen
Mar 4, 2022 1:30 PM EST

Parenting is one of the most challenging jobs in the world, especially when you're a single parent. Parents don't always get it right; in fact, most of the time, they screw up. But the sign of a good parent is one who can admit their mistakes and apologize to their kids when they get it wrong. One dad posted on Reddit, wanting to know how badly he had f*cked up when he cut his daughter's hair. He explained that he is a single parent and struggles to maintain his seven-year-old daughter's hair, which she refuses to take any responsibility for herself. After many discussions with her, he finally cut her hair, which she found very distressing. His mother and sister told him that it was the wrong move, but he is unsure. Redditors gave mixed responses, with many telling him that his reasoning was fair, but the way he carried it out wasn't OK. Below is his account; scroll through and tell us what you think. Is this bad parenting, or were his actions justified?

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  • 01
    Text - Posted by u/Imnotyourbuddytool 5 months ago Was I wrong to cut my daughters hair? Child 4-9 Years I'm a single father, and my daughter is 7 years old. She had long hair almost down to her belly button but I can't ever seem to get her to take care of it. I've warned her over the last year that if she doesn't start brushing her hair at least twice a day, we're getting it cut shorter. Every morning is a battle. I've talked to her mom about it and she agreed that I can get it cut if she doesn
    via u/Imnotyourbuddytool

    Reddit user u/Imnotyourbuddytool starts off by explaining that he is a single father, and his daughter's hair has become an ongoing issue between them. It appears that he has very high standards for her 'cleanliness'

  • 02
    Text - I also have long hair. I'm 6'2" and my hair goes down past my chest. I told her that I can do it, and so can she. I've shown her multiple times how I bring my hair over my chest to brush the bottom, which she doesn't have the dexterity to do. I brush from the bottom and slowly work my way up; I know how to brush hair since mine is long.
    via u/Imnotyourbuddytool

    He also gives more context and includes that his hair is also very long, so he understands the work that goes into 'maintaining' it. This might explain why he has such high standards for the condition of her hair.

  • 03
    Text - This morning after yet another argument, I did it. I cut her hair to about an inch below her shoulders. She was devastated. She continued to cry for another hour as I drove her to my parents place to watch her as I went to work. My mother and my sister both got very upset with me. My mom told me I'm going to ruin my daughter if I don't start taking parenting classes and that cutting her hair was completely unnecessary.
    via u/Imnotyourbuddytool
  • 04
    Text - What are your opinions? Did I over react? Did I have given more warnings before acting? Is she still too young to learn from this experience? Please don't be afraid to criticize. Thank you for your time in advance.
    via u/Imnotyourbuddytool
  • 05
    Text - UPDATE: Thanks everyone for your insight. I may have left a few key details out. I do brush her hair every morning and for the last three years she has complained about the tangles hurting. I've seen a lot of suggestions for conditioner and new brushes, but the ones we have were purchased with her in mind from a salon.
    via u/Imnotyourbuddytool
  • 06
    Text - Over the last few years I've talked to her about how people with long hair need to take care of it. I've been trying to get her to start brushing it for a couple years, never expecting her to take over completely, but to just start learning to care for herself. She puts no effort into it and puts the brush down and wanders off to play games and this is where the argument comes in. She doesn't have to be self sufficient, but she needs to at least try.
    via u/Imnotyourbuddytool
  • 07
    Text - Last week we went into the salon at Wal Mart to see if we could get it done professionally, but they were overbooked for over a week, so I told her we would do it next week. I've been telling her for over a month that we ARE getting her hair cut since she refuses to even attempt to brush her hair when asked. Quite a few people think she's too young to learn, other say their kids who are younger can already take care of their own hair. It appears to differ from child to child.
    via u/Imnotyourbuddytool
  • 08
    Text - I will never again cut her hair, and I have apologized to her already, but she seems to have bounced back already. She's not upset anymore. I guess the initial trauma struck her hard this morning. With differing opinions on what actions I should have taken, I think what I can learn from this is to set clear boundaries and consequences and always follow through with a cool head.
    via u/Imnotyourbuddytool
  • 09
    Text - Also, I did not HOLD MY DAUGHTER DOWN. I told her to go get the scissors, she did, handed them to me, and I told her to sit down in front of me. Thanks again for all your insight!
    via u/Imnotyourbuddytool
  • 10
    Text - fsr87 298 points · 5 months ago That it needed to be cut, I don't disagree with. That you didn't freaking SHAVE her head, but instead she still has hair just below her shoulders, I don't disagree with. I do disagree, as others have said, with your cutting it in the heat of the moment. Saying "Okay, well, we've talked about this fifty times so tonight after work we're going to have to cut it" and then doing it later would have been a better approach. She's only seven.
    via u/fsr87
  • 11
    Text - diadochokinesisSLP 19 points · 5 months ago Dude, been there and done this with my daughter (8 years old). She loves to have "Rapunzel hair" but hates having it brushed. It has only been in the last year that she has taken more responsibility at brushing it. She would scream, cry, and run away when we would brush it (she's tender headed and her hair tangles easily) and so we got to where we kept it shorter (usually around shoulders-enough for me to continue to pull it up out of her face).
    via u/diadochokinesisSLP
  • 12
    Text - codeplaysleep 196 points · 5 months ago I wouldn't have done it in the moment, as punishment. I would have talked to her later, when you were calm about how it would be a good idea to cut it so that it's easier to take care of. Then let her pick out a cute hairstyle she likes and can get excited about and take her to a salon to get it cut. Remind her that if she wants it long, she can let it grow back out as long as she can care for it. Cutting it if she can't take care of it is not a bad
    via u/codeplaysleep
  • 13
    Text - DemocraticRepublic 6 points · 5 months ago Personal hygiene is a joint responsibility between her and her Dad. Her dad was constantly helping and she refused to cooperate. As such, she abandoned her responsibility and put it all on her Dad, so it's reasonable he makes the choices about how to be responsible for it, which includes what the appropriate length is.
    via u/DemocraticRepublic
  • 14
    Text - DrNogoodNewman 19 points · 5 months ago I know it's not easy to get kids to do things, but to me hair care is not something that is worth turning into daily battle. Hair cutting as punishment can often feel like shaming to the kid. I just would have avoided the power struggle over hair all together. If you can't find a way to encourage her to brush her hair, I would drop it for a while. What's the worst thing that could happen? Have you tried making hair care something that is fun for her
    via u/DrNogoodNewman
  • 15
    Text - C8H10N402Addiction 22 points 5 months ago Yes I do think your in the wrong here. If a child is unwilling to do something you should look at the reasons why and come to a solution together. My sister had the same problem as a kid and as an adult to this day will still talk about how painful it was to brush her hair as a child. She says it was a 10 on the pain scale. She says now as an adult it does not hurt at all. Hair really should not be brushed dry anyway. It should be brushed when wet
    via u/C8H10N402Addiction

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hair dads long hair haircut haircuts parenting dad daughter Reddit Parenting Fail Parenting FAILS
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